worse day ever

so can i just say this has been one of the worst days ever. im seriously glad i dont have a razor blade with me. (note to self: start carrying one around) im still at school right now so the torture hasnt ended. also i have anime club after school which is going to suck. i hate being around corey right now. its so fucking painful. i hurt every time i see him, its like some one is draging a dagger through my heart. mostly it just hurts because it seems like he doesnt give a crap. im guessing he has moved on, seems like the way hes flirting with luricia (or however the hell you spell her name) that he had more reason for the break than he let on. i hate this, i put on this fake smile like everything is alright. smiles are just lies wrapped in ribbon. if i was going to let everyone know how i really feel i would be crying nonstop. i wouldnt move i would curl up in the corner and cry and scream at everyone to leave me the hell alone. i want sad music. i want to drown in an ocean of sad songs. then set the ocean on fire with heavy metal. i know that doesnt make anysense but thats how i feel right now. i couldnt explain it better if i tryed. the most fucking up part is im addicted to this pain. i want to see him because i love him. i love him even though it causes me physical pain to be around him.