youth group

i dont remember how i ever fit in with the people in youth group before. i feel so disconnected from everyone. i feel like no body really wants to be friends with me. i dont know i just feel like everyone is tired of me. i dont know why and i dont know what i did but i feel like its true. i know its mostly my fault i know iv disconnected myself from everyone but i have no idea how to get back to how it used to be. i just feel so hopeless and alone. i cant stand this. i dont know what to do or how to change it. i want to change it so bad but i feel like its impossible. i feel like im barley trending water here. i want to swim instead of just not drowning.