i tried

i tried so hard to like him. to be what he needed me to be and for him to be what i needed him to be but the thing is its just not the truth. i want so badly to be able to say to Ryan that i really like him and that we are meant to be together but the thing is i don't feel that way about him. i know i could be mostly happy if i was with him and i know that he would provide for me. i know that he would help with my youth group dream and i know that our families work well together. i also know that i would make him happy. but i don't want to settle and i don't want to just have him be happy and i don't want for him to be second best. i want him to be so happy and i want him to have the best but i know that i'm not best for him and i know i wont make him the happiest. i really want to find the guy God has for me and i want to be so happy with him and i know that guy isn't Ryan. i think the reason that i keep going back to liking Ryan is because i don't trust God to bring me the person he has for me. i need to trust God and to be patient with all of this. i'm only 17 years old, its so hard to remember that some times. some times it feels like i need to be engaged and ready to marry already but the thing is i have a lot of time to just be me and to just be single. please Lord please help me to just trust you and to wait for your perfect timing.