its been a while

so its been a while sence i wrote anything on here. so heres whats changed me and jay dated and broke up. currently i like ryan its very complicated. (its werid cuz it seems like from the outside that iv been jumping from guy to guy but i really havent been. idk its not like me to go from guy to guy idk its werid) school is about to end i only have 1 and a half days yay! lol thats pretty much all that has changed in my very boring life. lol. well the biggest issue currently in my life is that i need a friend. i dont have any close friends. i barley have friends as it is. i need to get a best friend because i dont talk about anything with any one i just write it all out. so i keep all my problems to my self i need to find some one who i can trust idk. i just have the hardest time becoming close frends with people. i see that they have this full life and good friends without me and i feel i have no business talking to them. i start to think that they have no room for me in their life. i still kinda think its true. i dont think that any one really wants me in their life. i mean who am i??? no one really knows me (thats my fault because i keep everything to myself) but i feel like people just like it better not knowing me. i think alot of people are fasinated by me cuz im kinda a mystery and im obvious different than other people. they of course cant figure out why because i dont let any one in. a part of me is afraid if i let people in and they see im not nearly as intersting as they imagine they wont talk to me any more. if their is no mystery than why would they talk to me. i dont really think its possible for people to just like me for me. im no one. im not intersting or a kool or anything special im just me. i cant see any reason for some one to hang around me. idk many thats stupid but thats how i think. i just dont think any one would want to be friends with me.