him

i can feel my self falling for him again and it kills me. it makes me hate myself. over and over and over again iv hurt him and i dont want to do it again. i know he probably thinks that i dont care how he feels and that i dont care if i hurt him but i do. it hurts me just as much to hurt him as it would to cut my own heart open. i dont want to hurt him ever. i feel like such a monster all the time. i hate this constant will we wont we. i just want it to be finished in my heart. God has confirmed so many times that my current decision is right but its so hard to trust in that. im so scared that iv misinterpreted something. i want my grieving heart to be able to move on and stop hurting him. im so sorry i hurt him. im so sorry. i wish i could do something to make it easier for you. i wish i could take who i am and make to some one who u cant stand so u wouldnt be conflicted. i wish i was some one else so i could help you get over the selfish horrible girl who has been torturing you for so long. i wish i could do some thing.