screw up

I'm so scared on my own stupidity some times. right now i feel so out of control and burdened by my stupid faults. i know every one has faults and i know that every one messes up but i feel like i dont know like my faults out weigh my good qualities. iv messed up so many times and i feel like those mistakes are just waiting to get back at me. I'm so afraid people are going to see me for my faults. iv messed up so bad, i cant imagine if people knew the things i have done. i take full responsibility for what i have done but i just wish i wasn't so stupid. i fall for the same crap time and time again, its like i cant learn. i make the same mistakes thinking each time that it not a mistake because some one has pushed me into a new reality. the push new lines, new material, new promises, and i buy into this reality even though a big part of me knows that its not real. i buy into it though because i want it to be real. iv never wanted any thing so badly but for these worlds to be real. but of course they aren't and when the creator of this world has gotten all they have come for they slowly let my reality crumble. silly me though i just cant leave it at that, i actually try to pick up the pieces of this broken reality, like maybe i can put it back together. but i cant i have no control because iv given all my control away. i am such an inconceivable screw up. i wish i wasn't stupid enough to be so easily manipulated.